i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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