New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
