question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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