I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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