the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
