Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
