whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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