he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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