its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
