Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
