I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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