New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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