I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
