when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
