Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
