haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
