First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
