I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
