gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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