so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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