Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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