everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
