just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
