Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
