Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
