Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
