All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
