I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Couch. On fire.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
