Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
