Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
