I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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