Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I need water and some morals
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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