I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
