My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
is it fun? or sober?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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