i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I need water and some morals
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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