Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
