I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
