So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
