Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
