my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
