talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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