You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
