somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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