I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
