So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
