every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
