I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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