So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
