im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize