just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
