I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
