I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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