Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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