no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
