things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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