my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
