are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
