Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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