if i can run in heels then i can drive
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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