I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
